الخميس، 27 أبريل 2017

cheat day

this week, this month, this term...
it's about revising. about productivity. about being a j in a sea of js. it's about getting my shit together and doing what i need to do: land law and applications and flowcharts and slow keyboards.
so i make an oath to cut off the things that "distract" me this week, this month, this term. i lock my sketchbooks in the desk and stop carrying a notebook in my bag and barely glitter my ears via my pink earphones on my way to and fro lectures. the oath extends to the little pouch of leaves i used to consume throughout the day.. and so the oath comes ringing with caffeine withdrawal headaches and cafe cravings and a slower metabolism and an outdated journal and disingenuous encounters with friends, but that's okay because it will all be worth it results day... won't it? ...but today was an unintended cheat day. i hear chirping birds and taste chocolate moose and see sparkling stars.. it's the voice of a demon, flavour of a forbidden fruit, reflection of a mirage. i shrug.

cheat day: A set day for completely and utterly fucking up on purpose all past progress made on your sad effort of dieting [urban dictionary].


today was a cheat day.... but it started out well. i rolled out of bed quite early, did some work before a class i knew all the answers to but didn't speak up. avoided people and did some more work until lecture. sat there for two hours enjoying law of the sea but simultaneously wondering if watching a documentary later tonight on artificial islands would count as revision. after lecture, got motivated by a productive friend to be productive but life happens. dinner for three and back to room for some work..... but i'm so sleepy. on my instagram feed rupi kaur* posted a picture and oh i follow her? i hated her book. why do i follow her? i wonder if her so-called-poetry is better read out loud. does her voice give you goosebumps like this one i saw on button poetry the other day? does it make your blood run and your hair attract thunder and your burps collect echo? no. it's shit. i need someone to agree with me because she has 1.2m followers on instagram who probably love her and i can't tell my friend who gifted me her book because she gifted me her book. but i can't find any criticism? haters only show up where they're not meant to be. oh look, this article does. this video does. thank you internet for validating my opinion. but why does it matter? let me listen to the poem i posted on facebook viewable only by me again. oh yes, here are the goosebumps. i don't know what to feel. i know this is both relevant and irrelevant to the person i am today: socially, existentially, politically. it is relevant because i know it to be true. but is it my battle? socially, existentially, politically - where i stand today given my identity and cause? but does it matter? today is a cheat day. i will listen to the geeky blonde that does not resemble me in any way and i will paint the dream i had the other day and mess it up because i can't draw animals and so i end up drawing rhiannon mcgavin inspired sketches (who by the way has a book coming out JUNE and i'll be done by then and i will buy it and read it and draw all the poems and relish in my forbidden fruit) and i listen to all i can listen to. i am hooked by her voice: the energy, as if bleeding out of her. the emotion, as if she was an embodiment of all that is in this world. her voice is raw and it trembles and sometimes it doesn't even matter what she's saying but it does because even though i rationally decide it's currently irrelevant to me, it isn't because i hear her. boom it's 1.03 am and it's past my bedtime according to this diet i am following and guess what? this all probably sounds like it was written by rupi kaur.

and now i'm out: for a week, for a month, for a term.


* it's not her (or what she stands for!!!), it's her writing. i'm not a fan. 

السبت، 15 أبريل 2017

book post اخر تحديث 9\10\2017

صورة مش مليحة لبعض الكتب اللي عندي

صورتهم لأن كل مجموعة ملوحة في تركينة ما من العالم... بإنتظار ان يتم لمّ شملهم تحت مكتبة واحدة (يوماً ما؟) 
نصوّر للتوثيق و للإفتخار بمجموعتي الصغيرة و لمشاركتها على مدونة نحط فيها نفسي بكل ما فيها.

هدف جديد: تصوير كتبي بهذه الطريقة من تراكين مختلفة و اضافتها هنا بإستمرار حتى تصبح تدوينة عملاقة و محدثة!

المقرؤة على اليسار و غير المقرؤة بعد على اليمين

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 The Art Book كتاب الفن به 500 لوحة و نبذة عنها، في أيامي الأكثر إنتاجاً و تنظيماً كنت اقرأ نبذة لوحة يومياً و اتأمل اللوحة قبل أن أبدأ يومي. كان هذا في السنة الأخيرة من الثانوي في طرابلس. حتى الآن لم  أتعدى حوالي 130 لوحة. منعت على نفسي تصفح الكتاب. القانون كالآتي: صفحة (=لوحة) في يوم واحد لا أكثر، و يجب أن يكون يوم منتج و في بدايته. الفكرة من وراء هذا القانون هو أن أعطي كل لوحة حقها و لأسمح لكل لوحة أن تمنحني الهام و جمال يضبط يومي. لدي قانون مشابه فيما يتعلق بفيديوات Stylelikeu: what's underneath التي أحبها. مشاهدة أكثر من فيديو و تأمل أكثر من لوحة و قراءة أكثر من نبذة جشع و غير لائق في حق القصص و اللوحات و النبذ الأخرى. 

Essential Picasso كتاب بيكاسو اشتريته من محل أوكسفام في طريق العودة من محاضرة. كان الكتاب يحتل وسط نافذة العرض، و يناديني كما كانت عارضات بيكاسو تناديه لرسمها. لم أتصفح الكتاب كما ينبغي بعد. به لوحات و نبذ عنها.

Van Gogh كتاب فان غوخ جاء كإضافة جميلة الى مجموعة كتب الفن التي أقتنيتها، خاصة أنني كنت قد اقتنيت لتوي كتاب عن جوجان. أشتريته من بائع الكتب الذي يفرش أمام مباني الجامعة في الأيام المشمسة (النادرة). و كنت قد أخبرت صديقتي ميم.، قبل أن أقترب من طاولته، بأنني أريد كتاب لفان غوخ لأجد هذا يجلس أمامي بين كتب خيال علمي من الثمانينات و كتب الطهي. الكتاب جميل، اذ أنه يحتوي رسومات فان غوخ كورقات غير مثبتة بشكل كامل في الكتاب.